He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
