Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
