At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
