I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
