You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
