i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
