I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
