So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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