either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
