i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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