I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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