I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
