Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
