Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
