im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
