I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
