so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
