Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
