he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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