I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
