my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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