i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
