Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
