I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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