Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
