remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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