Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
