At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
