Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
