omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
