I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I puked a lego.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
