Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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