JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
