just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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