Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
