Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
