i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
