So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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