u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
