I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
