I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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