I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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