You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
