I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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