I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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