Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
