Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
