i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
