you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
