i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
