Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
