Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
