i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
