if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
