Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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