WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
