Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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