If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
