he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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