dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
