Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
