I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
