So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
