She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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