well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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