I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
