You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
