Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
